TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA — The recent evangelization of a tribe of previously-uncontacted Amazon natives has yielded a most puzzling discovery: the ontological argument is 100% effective in converting the tribespeople to Christianity. Charles Lambert, a missionary trained in Christian apologetics, had recently finished Alvin Plantinga’s The Nature of Necessity (1974) and incorporated the argument into his gospel presentation on a whim. “You know,” remarks Lambert, “there was just something in their eyes that told me they would connect with an argument consisting of purely analytic, a priori premises.”
Anthropologist and linguistic expert Paul Townshend has investigated the unexpected success of the abstruse argument in order to understand the reason for its completely surprising results. Townshend concludes, “Apparently, notions of necessity, maximally great being, and possible worlds are all very intuitive – even simple – for these primitive people. Quite curious considering their language only possesses 47 words.”
The success has missions groups racing to dusty bookstores and weird uncles’ houses in search of Plantinga’s book.