Apologists on the Church Payroll: A Heresy Too Far

“I can’t believe they got rid of the dead goldfish memorial fund…”

SAVANNAH, GEORGIA — A medium-sized conservative Baptist church was recently rocked by the discovery that an apologist had been on the payroll for several weeks. Margie Hinklebottom, the church secretary, found the sneaky villain’s employment paperwork in a strange manila file partially labeled “… with all your mind.” Upon hearing of the devilry, the leadership immediately launched a Church Internal Affairs (CIA) investigation into how exactly such a heretical heresy could have infected their righteous congregation.

The church pastor issued the following statement:

We are saddened by this recent information and are doing everything in our power to restore some order to the chaos that has beset our flock. To that end, we are immediately removing the apolo-… apolo-… (What’s he called again?… An apologist?… What the heck’s he apologizin’ for?…) Anywho, we’re taking care of it.

The apologist, with the Bible verse 1 Peter 3:15 disgustingly tattooed on his arm, was last seen walking to his car with a gleam in his eye that said he was down for some hardcore evidence talk. The nerve.

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