DEA Accidentally Uses Koukl’s “Tactics”, Destroys Massive Drug Ring

DEA arrest

“Columbian. Columbo. They sound pretty much the same.”

SPRINGFIELD, VA — Mission planning for a recent sting operation was surprisingly effective for the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) last weekend, when a shipment of field manuals was accidentally replaced by copies of Greg Koukl’s popular apologetics book Tactics. Having mastered the conversational tools in Koukl’s book, agents employed a series of incisive questions that left cartel members mentally disarmed and easily apprehended.

We asked one drug lord why he surrendered to the authorities. In humble tones, he said “One moment I was holding an AK-47, yelling at the agents that they’d never take me alive. Then I heard one of them over the megaphone ask “How did you come to that conclusion?” I never really thought about it until then, but it opened my eyes to a lot of what I had been presupposing, which in turn allowed me to question some of my own basic assumptions and start to see things from their perspective.”

Not only was the sting a material success, yielding more than $2.3 billion (US) worth of market-ready narcotics and destroying the drug ring at its source, but it was also a remarkable spiritual success in which several dozen cartel members reported either shifting to seriously questioning atheism or becoming full-fledged converts to Christianity. There is currently no word on whether the DEA is considering Koukl’s book for a permanent replacement to its standard field manuals.

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