Hedge Funds Use YEC Math to Reduce Losses from Billions to Mere Thousands

GRAPEVINE, TEXAS — After a virtual lynching led by Redditors and disgruntled entrepreneurs, angered by years of short selling and market manipulation, hedge fund managers are now looking at potential losses numbering in the billions and counting. To mitigate these losses, some ingenious MBAs have turned to unorthodox alternatives. An anonymous source at ArkMan Associates has revealed that they have found a simple solution to bring them back from the edge of the bottomless pit: a counting method used by a nearly extinct tribe known as “YEC” which converts all large numbers to values of less than or equal to 6,000.

“Best case scenario, we were facing bankruptcy,” shared our source. “Personally, I was about to lose at least four or five Lamborghinis. Thankfully, we discovered this really weird approach to math that simply denies realities with values greater than 6,000. Our potential capital losses were erased overnight and our investors are now breathing a collective sigh of relief.”

We asked our source what he will do now that crisis has been averted. His reply: “I’ve been eyeballing some investment properties in Malibu that just got a lot cheaper.”