Author: fauxpologetics
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Top 10 Alternatives to Now-trademarked “Worship Leader”
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA — Yes, that’s right. The term “Worship Leader” has been trademarked. So, if you don’t want to be sued into oblivion, you’ll want to find a different phrase. Here, we generously provide ten suitable alternatives to keep your ministry away from legal woes:
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Following Biden Method for Unity, God Issues “10 Executive Orders”
HEAVEN — In the wholesome spirit of bi-partisanship, President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. spent his first few days in office making good on his promise to “be a President for all Americans,” issuing dozens of country-healing, division-removing, totally non-authoritarian executive orders. Seeing the great success of such cooperative efforts for galvanizing nationwide unity, God – yes,…
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Hedge Funds Use YEC Math to Reduce Losses from Billions to Mere Thousands
GRAPEVINE, TEXAS — After a virtual lynching led by Redditors and disgruntled entrepreneurs, angered by years of short selling and market manipulation, hedge fund managers are now looking at potential losses numbering in the billions and counting. To mitigate these losses, some ingenious MBAs have turned to unorthodox alternatives. An anonymous source at ArkMan Associates has…
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Senior Pastor Eternally Demoted to Teaching Junior High After Apologetics in Sermon
GOLDSBORO, NORTH CAROLINA — Rick Mangold, Senior Pastor of Goldsboro First Baptist Church, just received the single most severe punishment in Baptist history – eternal demotion to teaching junior high Sunday school. His crime? Daring to incorporate apologetics into his Sunday sermon. During sentencing, Mangold confessed, “Yes, I did intentionally include arguments and evidence in…
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Evangelist Miraculously Avoids Apologetics for 45 Years
SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA — “Lots and lots of prayer.” This was the answer given by veteran evangelist Herb O’Connell when asked how he managed to survive 45 years as a local missionary without offering a single defense of the essential truths of Christianity even once. This remarkable achievement is made all the more impressive given O’Connell’s…
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Redshirt Apologist Violates Prime Directive, Feeds the Trolls
BERKLEY, CA — Tragedy cast a dark pall over the Federation last Thursday as crew members gathered in remembrance of a young Christian apologist recruit who purportedly violated the prime directive to never feed the trolls. An investigation is currently under way to determine whether the fresh-out-of-the-Academy servicemember was mentally incompetent or willfully stupid. Ambassador…
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Charismatic Congregation Mistakes Apologetics for Gift of Tongues
GARY, INDIANA — Congregants at Gary Assemblies of God (GAG) accidentally caught a special movement of the Holy Spirit last Sunday when guest speaker and itinerant apologist Hank Jurek was invited to speak on Christian evidences. Having never heard such foreign content from the pulpit, members naturally assumed Jurek was speaking in tongues (though some…
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DEA Accidentally Uses Koukl’s “Tactics”, Destroys Massive Drug Ring
SPRINGFIELD, VA — Mission planning for a recent sting operation was surprisingly effective for the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) last weekend, when a shipment of field manuals was accidentally replaced by copies of Greg Koukl’s popular apologetics book Tactics. Having mastered the conversational tools in Koukl’s book, agents employed a series of incisive questions that…
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Charlie Bloodfeud: Italian Apologist
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You’ll Never Believe What Dan Brown Writes About Pentecost in New Novel…
HOLLYWOOD, CA – In his latest fictional non-fiction novel, Dan Brown has again crafted what will prove to be another record-breaking book and blockbuster movie combination. In his latest rewrite of history, The Pentecost Conspiracy, Brown again turns tradition on its ear. This time, action centers around a modern day discovery of ancient documents produced…
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